Monday, September 19, 2011

Mystery Object

I know this looks like a perfectly normal bagel, but it isn't. And no, it is not a fossilised dinosaur dropping. It is a vulcanised bagel which no knife can penetrate. A bad case of user error in that I put it on defrost and forgot about it.
Now the mystery is not so much what it was, but what it should become. We were never allowed to throw away food as children and it still looks so good, it must have a purpose, if only I can discover it. I have started making a list of possibilities to which you are welcome to add your suggestions.

Do you know I once wrote a long article about 101 uses for twitch which was extremely well received? My mother always said there was a reason why some things grew in abundance, though she never had much to say about the raison d'etre for mosquitoes. Anyway twitch turned out to be surprisingly useful with lots of medicinal applications, apart from giving me much needed physical and mental exercise and I came to the conclusion that it was a valuable and much underutilised resource.
Let's see if we can do the same with a dead bagel. Here are a few ideas to get you going. I'm sure you will have many more.
  1. Grave good for an Egyptian tomb
  2. Cover with seeds and berries and hang up as a bird feeder in winter
  3. Chew or throw toy for a dog or teething baby
  4. Frisbee. It bowls quite well on its side too
  5.  Hockey puck
  6. Soak for several years to make penicillin or whisky or add to hamburger mince
  7. Table decoration, with or without the addition of flowers. This would be especially nice for a harvest festival or Thanksgiving dinner. It would also make a nice display in a bakery or cafe.
  8. Door stop, paper weight
  9. Headdress. With the addition of some stick on jewels it could work as a crown or, with the attachment of some organza, as a bridal veil or medieval accessory. It would also make an interesting Race Day hat, no worse than some others I have seen.
  10. Game - Pass the Bagel - rather like hot potato. When the music stops, the bagel is yours. Table bagel anyone? This is like quoits.
  11. Spray gold and use as an award or perpetual trophy
  12. Shark bait
  13. Christmas Decoration. Sneak it in with popcorn strings and apples and no one will notice. Or use it as a base for a Christmas wreath for the front door.
  14. A very large washer...
  15. Make another one and turn them into ear muffs, hearing protection or knee pads for skateboarders.
  16. Spare wheel for scooter or pram
  17.  One of those things people with boats have to stop them banging into wharves and tugboats have to stop big ships bumping into them. In fact, I could use a line of them down the side of my car. It would stop people scraping the duco when they open their car doors in parking lots. I see that some car manufacturers have taken up the ideas I suggested when I was ten - having rubber bumpers and rubber strips up the side like dodgems, to put the fun back into driving.
  18. Speaking of cars, you could also use it as an auxilliary brake when parking on steep hills
  19. Leave it on the moon and let Extra Terrestials and future visitors think it's an alien life form
  20. .......
Now it's over to you. I am just not feeling creative this morning and was really looking forward to that bagel!

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