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Translation

I hate instant messaging

I hate instant messaging at the best of times. For a start, there are all those cryptic acronyms and one friend uses no vowels at all which can lead to misunderstandings. Secondly, it's not instant, particularly when you are stuck in intuitive text mode and don't have your glasses on, but I now have two more reasons.

I especially came back early from Cradle Mountain because a friend who'd had an operation on his hand was due to come out of hospital and I was supposed to pick him up.
I didn't hear from him on Thursday and assumed  that he'd been kept in another day, or the operation had been delayed. When there was still no word from him on Friday, I rang him. He sounded fine but a little cool. He was home now thanks. Someone else had picked him up. 
On Saturday night at 8 p.m. I finally received his message dated Thursday lunchtime. "Yes, Roni, I'm ready to come home now, anytime you're ready."

When I rang him again, he said yes, when he hadn't heard from me, he assumed that I had forgotten or was out gallivanting somewhere out of range, or worse still, that he had offended me in some way. Anyway, we somehow managed to smooth that one over, but yesterday I got the oddest text from someone else.
It went like this:


I just made u
open ur phone
for nothing. It’s
great being in
control. Who’s my
bitch? Ur my
bitch! Now ur
smiling like my
bitch and after
smiling ur going
to send to
another  bitch,
who’s going to
become your bitch.
Now close it and
go about ur
business til I
need u again!


I was expecting a call from a friend of my sister's who didn't speak English all that well, but I didn't think this could be it. Before I relayed it to both my texting friends, I thought I should find out who it was from. I have been called many things in my life, but not someone's bitch. It wasn't signed and I didn't recognise the phone number, so  I phoned back. You have never heard anyone so embarassed in your life. Honestly I could hear someone - a female, turning several shades of purple at the other end of the phone while mumbling. "Sorry, wrong number," before quickly hanging up.

So there you go. That's another reason for not texting. Your words are immortalised forever, no matter what state you might have been in at the time. There's a whole website devoted to texts people have sent in error, while drunk etc. Will post it here when I find it again.


Yes, well I have, at least youngest son has kindly supplied web address. On re -reading, most of these are fairly offensive, so don't look it up if you have a delicate constitution, can't stand mangled language,  three or four letter words, juvenile humour etc. 

Did rather like this though, also part of the same site, what with the festive season coming up:

and I could also relate to expectations vs. reality  #8






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